Valentine Jokes

Valentine jokes may not be part of most people’s idea of Valentine’s Day love and romance. Then again some people tend to seen the humor in every situation, and see Valentine’s Day as an obvious reason for jokes and humor.

Some Valentine jokes are more like mini-stories, involving a bit of story-telling setup and a punch line. These are often the funniest, because the punch line catches you by surprise. Here are just a couple that can be found on any website about Valentine’s Day humor and jokes.

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VALENTINE JOKES

Be My Valentine

A man walks into a post office one day and sees a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him; he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”
“But why?” asks the man.
“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

~~~~

Osama’s Valentine

A little boy comes home from first grade and tells his father the he learned about the history of Valentine’s Day. “As Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,” he asks, “will God get angry at me for giving someone a valentine?”
“The father thinks for a moment and then says, “No, I don’t think God would get made. Who do you want to give a valentine to?”
“Osama Bin Laden,” the boy says.
“Why Osama,” his father asks in disbelief.
“Well,” David says, “I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he’d jump with joy. And then he’d go all over and tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.”
The father’s heart swells and he looks at his son with newfound pride and joy. “David, that’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard.”
“I know,” David says, “and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines can shoot him!”

Then there are the things that you should never tell your Valentine date. While these are obviously valentine jokes, it would be my guess that there’s a bit of truth to them, and that someone somewhere actually said something very similar. It would be my guess that that person is still dating and wondering why they are still single this Valentine’s Day.

What Not to Say to Your Valentine’s Day Date

• I used to come here all the time with my ex.
• I never said you need a nose job. I just said it wouldn’t hurt to consider it.
• I’ve really matured in the last few years. Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look.
• It’s been tough, but I’ve come to accept that most people I date just won’t be as smart as I am.

The one time that Valentine jokes might not be the perfect choice, is when you are trying to find the perfect wording for a Valentine’s birth announcement. Instead, look for wording that expresses your joy at this evidence of what real love is all about.

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